If you teach long
enough, it will happen to you. It
will. You are standing by your door welcoming
your children for the morning or waiting for parents to pick up after school, everything
is bunnies and rainbows, and a parent marches up to you, and unloads an
expletive laced tirade directed at you.
Pre-emptive strike
The preference is for the ambush to never occur, and there
is a lot a teacher can do to avoid it. A
little preparation will go a long way and take care of 95% of your difficulties
before they even happen
80% of your parents will give you the benefit of the doubt
if they are convinced that a) You love, appreciate, and really “get” their
child and
b) You are a competent, professional who know what she is
doing (or looks like it!)
Send those positive notes home! Greet parents warmly after school and share a
funny or cute moment that happened to their child that day. Remark on something special you noticed about
their child. Spend the time to get to
know your students as quickly as possible.
Notice the little things. Who
likes animals? Who is absolutely wild
about space? Who is your diva performer
and who is the athlete? What kind of
books do they enjoy reading? Who picks flowers for you every, single day?
15% of parents will leave you be if you can explain your
teaching practices convincingly. Put
some thought into your philosophy of education, and your practices. Write them down if you need to, or practice
your answers in the mirror.
1.
Have a strong behavior plan, follow it
consistently, and be able to explain and justify it to anyone.
2.
Be able to justify WHY you do WHAT you do in the
classroom. If you can’t explain it, you
may need to consider changing it.
3.
Keep records of parent phone calls,
conversations, and written communication.
And that leaves the 5%...... standing there with veins
sticking out of their neck, yelling and growing angrier by the moment, in full
“Mama Bear Mode” protecting her cub.
Take a deep slow breath.
When you are ambushed, your “fight or flight” instinct kicks in. Adrenalin floods your brain, shutting down
all your higher level thinking skills, and you usually hold your breath while
they are yelling. So…..breathe…. slow it
down, and take control of the situation.
A thoughtful pause and a look of concern will give you time to plan your
next words and will show that you are taking their concerns seriously….. take
your time…… breathe……
If you feel the urge to say something snarky…. stop! Don’t.
Do. It.
Next… there are 2 directions you can go…
Is the parent angry about something that happened TO their
child,
or
something they think YOU DID to their child?
Which is it?
-Angry about
something that happened TO their child.
Woo Hoo! Piece of cake. You’ve got this.
1. Show sympathy. Be empathetic- “Oh my goodness! That must have been upsetting” “I’m so sorry”
2. Offer assistance.
“How can I help?” “What can I do
for you?”
3. Decide on a plan of action. “We could_________” “Would it help if we___?” “What would you
like me to do?”
4. Reassure the parent you will follow up. “I can do that”
5. Follow up and touch base with the parent in conversation,
phone call or note. Encourage the
parent to contact you if they have any more difficulties.
-Angry at YOU for
something they think YOU DID to their sweet angel.
This is more
difficult. Much more difficult. This is the sucky part of the job.
Important! Never, ever, ever say “CALM DOWN” It never works. Ever. Think of gasoline on a fire. Then add a grenade.
1. Ask them to repeat the complaint. “Ok, I didn’t catch all of that. Can you say
that again? Most parents will not be
able to generate the same anger and emotion the second time around , and since
you were in “fight or flight mode” you probably missed much of what they SAID,
and just heard HOW they said it. “Let me see if I understand…. Repeat what they
said using calm and reasonable language.
This will show them that their concern is valid. Ask any follow up questions to get more
information. This lets the parent know
that you want to get all the facts and are taking their concerns seriously. It also will give them time to calm down a
little and start acting like a person again. Hopefully…
Note: Whether or not
their concern is valid is immaterial. If
it is important to the parent, it must be treated as a legitimate concern. Parents who feel like they are being blown
off can and will go straight to the superintendent, and trust me you do not
want on that roller coaster ride!
2.If you can take care of it on the spot quickly, without an audience, do it.
“I understand. Thank
you for coming to see me. I know you
just want the best for your child” Explain.
They will still want to spout off a little, but will be losing
steam. Explain again. If they are becoming more reasonable,
empathize with them, and allow them to save face and make a graceful exit. Letting the parent exit on a good note will save
you time in the long run. Thank them for coming to speak with you, and
encourage them to feel free to discuss any questions or concerns they have in
the future. Whew! Dodged a bullet there!
3.If the problem is sensitive or will take a while, or you have an audience*, explain why
you can’t talk RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE and set up a time for a meeting.
“I have to wait until all the students are picked up. Can you wait about 10 minutes so we can
talk?”
“I’m in the middle of a lesson and can’t leave my students
unattended. Can you come see me after
school?”
This will give you
time to calm down a little, think about the situation, and gather
information. Usually by the time you
meet with them later, they will have calmed down as well. Hopefully.
At the very least you will have had time to prepare a response.
*Note: Try to
avoid having an audience at all costs!
There are people in this world that thrive on drama and having an
audience feeds their love of drama, and means that these type of parents will
ramp up, not calm down. Having an
audience also means that parents are usually more conscious of losing face in
front of others and may prolong the conflict for the benefit of others. Also understand that dramatic people are
probably going to relive and reenact the confrontation later with family and
friends, so you really want to handle this professionally, watch your words and
not get sucked into the soap opera. Also
remember that there are people with cell phones all around you, and you don’t
want to be the Facebook or Youtube “Teacher Meltdown” viral video of the day.
Key phrases to use in the meeting:
“What can I do for you?”
“What would you like me to do?”
“I can do that…”
“I can’t do that, but I can do this…”
“ Let me check into this and touch base with you tomorrow.”
“Thank you for your concern. I’m sorry for the
misunderstanding. Please feel free to contact me anytime you
have concerns”
4. Give your principal a heads up. No one hates to be ambushed more than a
principal. It makes them look silly and
uninformed. Your principal is more
likely to back you up if they know the particulars in advance and have time to
think about it before the parent comes in.
Even if the parent never complains to your principal, you still come off
as a very proactive teacher who takes care of her own problems whenever
possible and understands the chain of command.
5. Go home and eat some chocolate. Eat some more chocolate. Watch some Netflix. Remind yourself…. I love my job, I love my
job, I love my job.
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