She is a tiny little thing. Six years old with long, wispy hair, big brown eyes and a shy smile with some teeth missing. Sometimes I have a hard time hearing her because she has a tiny little voice and sometimes the kids step on her when she is sitting on the carpet because they don't see her, but she strikes fear in the hearts of all the boys in my class. She is the Bathroom Nazi.
In past years, keeping the bathroom in my classroom clean has been a constant battle. The bathroom was always a mess and no one would admit to being the messer. So this year, I posted a sign in sheet on the bathroom door. Potential bathroom users are required to sign in before using the facilities. Once inside, it is the users responsibility to inspect the bathroom to ensure quality control. If the bathroom does not meet the expectations of the potential user, said user is to exit the bathroom, locate the previous occupant and demand the previous occupant rectify the situation to the satisfaction of the potential user. In short, if you pee on the floor or the toilet, you had better clean it up or you will get busted!
The Bathroom Nazi has never, ever, ever been satisfied with the condition of the bathroom. It takes her about 2 minutes to complete her inspection and inevitably, she will locate a shred of toilet paper on the floor or a tiny droplet of liquid on the floor or the toilet. The door opens and the hunt for the offender begins. It is a difficult search because she can't read the names yet, so she meticulously begins checking name tags on the desks for the matching name one by one by one.
Meanwhile, all the little boys are watching her from the corner of their eye, refusing to make eye contact. It may take a while but eventually, she matches the name on the door with a name tag. Watching her work is like watching an episode of NCIS. She plants herself directly in front of the pee offender and demands that they come clean up their mess. The boys used to argue with her, and she would march them to the door and point to their name. They don't argue with her anymore. Now, whenever she signs in to use the bathroom, I can hear a collective groan from the boys in the class. I think I must have the cleanest bathroom in the kindergarten and first grade hall. I sure could have used her at my house when my boys were growing up.
Wyatt's Hat
Wyatt has a hat. It's floppy, brown and very ugly. None of us really like the hat, but Wyatt loves it and wears it often. Wyatt came to own this hat because of a reverse psychology ploy that should have worked, but backfired miserably.
Wyatt's daddy, Jacob and I had taken Wyatt to Tractor Supply, which is a super cool store if 1) You are a boy and 2) You like all things country. Needless to say, Wyatt and Jacob love Tractor Supply. This particular day Jacob was looking for a new hat, because his old one was in shreds and had a peculiar odor to it that was a cross between wet dog and old socks. He found a hat he liked fairly quickly that had a camo pattern and of course, Wyatt wanted a hat because everything his daddy does, he wants to do too. Jacob found a matching hat for him, but surprisingly,Wyatt did not like the hat. He was in a particularly stubborn mood that day, and was determined to do the complete opposite of whatever he was asked to do, so he wanted the pink hat with the dancing kitties on it, the hat with flaps, the hat that was 4 sizes too large etc..... if you have ever spent time with a toddler, you know exactly what I am taking about. Jacob could have just bought the hat he wanted Wyatt to wear, but being a bit of a rebel himself, was willing to give Wyatt some latitude. Besides, a man's right to chose his own hat is sacred and cannot be violated. I think its Man Rule #8.
After about 15 minutes of fruitless hat shopping, Jacob decided to give Wyatt a choice between 2 hats. One hat was the hat that matched Jacob's and the other was a big ole brown, floppy thing that we knew Wyatt was sure to hate. You know what happened next. Yup. It was love at first sight. The minute Wyatt saw the hat, his face lit up and he squealed, "My hat!" and plunked that awful thing on his head. He refused to take it off and wore it out of the store. We still hate that hat, but it makes Wyatt so happy to wear it, so the hat has a place of honor on the shelf in Wyatt's room.
That ole hat got me to thinking about the unusual things in life that make us happy. The orange dress with the purple dots, the Budda statue with the clock in his belly, the skinny jeans with the tube top. I don't know why such odd things bring us so much joy. Perhaps it is the freedom to make a goofy choice or maybe it is that need to occasionally swim against the tide of reason and have a small rebellion. I think as Americans, we value our freedom to choose more than most. The freedom to chose wisely or unwisely, to succeed or fall flat on our faces. Sometimes our choices really stink and other times they are inspired, but to me, the most important thing is that we have the freedom to choose for ourselves. The End
Five Generations
Ma Wilson was born in 1914. She remembers World War 1 and tells stories of neighbors who came and took care of her and her siblings because the rest of her family was sick with the Spanish Flu. Each day, the doctor would come by and tend to the family and tell her parents who had died in the neighborhood that day. She remembers the Depression and World War II, the Korean War and the Vietnam War. She remembers how happy they were to get electricity and indoor plumbing. She was married in 1939, raised four kids on a cotton farm in Missouri, and she knows how to do things very few people know how to do anymore. She knows how to catch, kill and fry a chicken. She knows how to make killer biscuits and gravy, and taught me to make beans and cornbread. Since she comes from The Time Before Air Conditioning, she knows the most efficient way to use fans in the window to cool off a house so everyone can sleep at night. She had her babies at home when the doctor still made house calls. Back in the day, there were not many job opportunities for women, so she kept children in her home. A local urban legend claims that Ma Wilson potty trained most of the kids in the county.
After Grandaddy died, Ma Wilson moved to Oklahoma Christian and was a dorm mother for the school for many, many years. She also put up mail in the student center and babysat on the weekends, just to stay busy. She taught the kindergarten Sunday morning Bible Class every week for well over 50 years and finally gave up her class when she turned 90. Looking at the picture of all 5 generations made me realize for the 100th time, that they just don't make people like they used to.
Now, I love my central air and flushing potties more than anyone, and I'm really, really glad I don't have to kill my supper, but I feel like our generation has paid a heavy price for our comfort. Maybe the price was too high. Only time will tell.
A Trip Down Memory Lane
Today I am 50 years old. It doesn't seem as old as it once did, but so much has changed since I was born.
I remember watching Neil Armstrong walk on the moon and all of the Apollo Missions. I remember watching the news and seeing soldiers in the jungle and hearing the names of places like Saigon, Phenom Pehn and Hanoi and watched the student protests at Kent State. I will never forget the day the Vietnam POWs came home. Many of them got down and kissed the ground after they came down the stairs of the plane. At the time, I couldn't figure out why anyone would want to put their lips on nasty pavement, because mom always said that you shouldn't eat things that fall on the ground because of the germs, but now I understand the power of such a gesture.
There were no cell phones, and all the phones were black with the rotary dial that had this really cool sound when you dialed a number. I remember when they started making phones in different colors and how great we thought that was.
There were no ipads, laptops or home computers of any kind. Once in 2nd grade, our girl scout troop toured the IBM plant and our tour guide took us to a room where a computer covered the entire wall. He told us, "Some day, computers will be small enough to fit on a table", and my troop leaders looked at each other and laughed. Of course there was no internet, so if you had to do a research paper, you had to schlep down to the library and look up articles using the card catalog, and all the good articles were usually missing.
Cars were big and made of metal and every family only had one car. At first, there were no seat belts or air conditioning, so on long trips our parents would fold down the seats of the station wagon, spread out some blankets and pillows and roll down the windows. We would spend the trip rolling around and playing in the back or try to get truckers to honk at us. Later, our new car had air conditioning and seat belts but it wasn't as much fun. There were no DVD players or computer games, so we fought with our siblings, played the license plate game, or read until we got car sick.
There was no cable, just the 3 major networks and PBS and there was just one tv in the house. Some of the tv shows were still in black and white, but most were in color if you had a color tv, which we did not. You could only watch cartoons on Saturday morning, so we would get up at 6:30 to watch Bugs Bunny, Johnny Quest, and Scooby Doo. We watched Gilligan's Island and Get Smart and really hip, groovy shows like The Mod Squad, The Partridge Family, and Mission Impossible, while my parents watched Gunsmoke, Hee Haw and Adam 12. There were no DVD's or DVR and movies only came on tv one time. Holiday specials only came on once a year, so if you had to miss "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer" because your dad wanted to go out to eat to celebrate his birthday, well you just had to wait a WHOLE year to see it again. Yes, I'm still a little bitter about that. Can you tell?
Most dads went to work wearing ties or uniforms and every mom I knew stayed home to take care of the kids. We lived close enough to the school to come home for lunch every day and we did because the cafeteria served spinach. A lot. All the kids either walked to school or rode the bus. The only time your parents would give you a ride to school is if you overslept. Mrs. Duffy taught me to read with Dick, Jane, Sally and Spot. Teachers were respected and parents supported the schools. One time, Tom Asbury smarted off to Mr. McElroy and he turned Tom over his knee and paddled him right there on the playground. Tom's parents came up after school to make Tom apologize to Mr. McElroy, and then paddled him again when they got home. The coolest technology in our classroom was the Lite Bight and the mimeographed purple papers had that cool smell.
The milk man delivered milk to our front door in the milk box and t.v. dinners were the newest rage. I always liked the nights when we had a babysitter because mom would let us each pick out our very own t.v. dinners. My brother liked Salisbury steak and I liked fried chicken. There were no microwaves or food processors and women would attend Tupperware parties just to hear the patented "burp" that the lids made. Families ate supper together and we all cleaned our plates to get dessert.
During the summer, we played outside all day. There was nothing but soap operas on tv and there were no video games. My mom would lock us out of the house when she was cleaning, but that was ok because we rode our bikes all over the neighborhood with our friends and drank out of the garden hose when we were thirsty. We built forts and played Batman and Batgirl or cowboys and indians in the field behind the house and used to see who could hang onto the electric fence the longest. My brother always won. For those of you who know my brother, you are probably thinking, "Ok, that explains a lot!".
I'm glad to be 50, and love, love, love my microwave and ipad, but sometimes I really miss the old days.....
I remember watching Neil Armstrong walk on the moon and all of the Apollo Missions. I remember watching the news and seeing soldiers in the jungle and hearing the names of places like Saigon, Phenom Pehn and Hanoi and watched the student protests at Kent State. I will never forget the day the Vietnam POWs came home. Many of them got down and kissed the ground after they came down the stairs of the plane. At the time, I couldn't figure out why anyone would want to put their lips on nasty pavement, because mom always said that you shouldn't eat things that fall on the ground because of the germs, but now I understand the power of such a gesture.
There were no cell phones, and all the phones were black with the rotary dial that had this really cool sound when you dialed a number. I remember when they started making phones in different colors and how great we thought that was.
There were no ipads, laptops or home computers of any kind. Once in 2nd grade, our girl scout troop toured the IBM plant and our tour guide took us to a room where a computer covered the entire wall. He told us, "Some day, computers will be small enough to fit on a table", and my troop leaders looked at each other and laughed. Of course there was no internet, so if you had to do a research paper, you had to schlep down to the library and look up articles using the card catalog, and all the good articles were usually missing.
Cars were big and made of metal and every family only had one car. At first, there were no seat belts or air conditioning, so on long trips our parents would fold down the seats of the station wagon, spread out some blankets and pillows and roll down the windows. We would spend the trip rolling around and playing in the back or try to get truckers to honk at us. Later, our new car had air conditioning and seat belts but it wasn't as much fun. There were no DVD players or computer games, so we fought with our siblings, played the license plate game, or read until we got car sick.
There was no cable, just the 3 major networks and PBS and there was just one tv in the house. Some of the tv shows were still in black and white, but most were in color if you had a color tv, which we did not. You could only watch cartoons on Saturday morning, so we would get up at 6:30 to watch Bugs Bunny, Johnny Quest, and Scooby Doo. We watched Gilligan's Island and Get Smart and really hip, groovy shows like The Mod Squad, The Partridge Family, and Mission Impossible, while my parents watched Gunsmoke, Hee Haw and Adam 12. There were no DVD's or DVR and movies only came on tv one time. Holiday specials only came on once a year, so if you had to miss "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer" because your dad wanted to go out to eat to celebrate his birthday, well you just had to wait a WHOLE year to see it again. Yes, I'm still a little bitter about that. Can you tell?
Most dads went to work wearing ties or uniforms and every mom I knew stayed home to take care of the kids. We lived close enough to the school to come home for lunch every day and we did because the cafeteria served spinach. A lot. All the kids either walked to school or rode the bus. The only time your parents would give you a ride to school is if you overslept. Mrs. Duffy taught me to read with Dick, Jane, Sally and Spot. Teachers were respected and parents supported the schools. One time, Tom Asbury smarted off to Mr. McElroy and he turned Tom over his knee and paddled him right there on the playground. Tom's parents came up after school to make Tom apologize to Mr. McElroy, and then paddled him again when they got home. The coolest technology in our classroom was the Lite Bight and the mimeographed purple papers had that cool smell.
The milk man delivered milk to our front door in the milk box and t.v. dinners were the newest rage. I always liked the nights when we had a babysitter because mom would let us each pick out our very own t.v. dinners. My brother liked Salisbury steak and I liked fried chicken. There were no microwaves or food processors and women would attend Tupperware parties just to hear the patented "burp" that the lids made. Families ate supper together and we all cleaned our plates to get dessert.
During the summer, we played outside all day. There was nothing but soap operas on tv and there were no video games. My mom would lock us out of the house when she was cleaning, but that was ok because we rode our bikes all over the neighborhood with our friends and drank out of the garden hose when we were thirsty. We built forts and played Batman and Batgirl or cowboys and indians in the field behind the house and used to see who could hang onto the electric fence the longest. My brother always won. For those of you who know my brother, you are probably thinking, "Ok, that explains a lot!".
I'm glad to be 50, and love, love, love my microwave and ipad, but sometimes I really miss the old days.....
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